Lazy girl recipe: 15-minute Modern Table Meals

My first Lazy Girl Recipe was a hit, so I decided to post another … only THIS one’s even easier, because it comes in a package.

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OK, I know what you’re thinking: A packaged dinner doesn’t really count as cooking. Well maybe to you, but in my world, if you measure some stuff and bring it to a boil, IT COUNTS. And FYI, it counts for double – sometimes even triple – if you’re sick/pregnant/a new parent/living in a construction zone. I’m all about justifying Lazy Girl Recipes, even if they do come in a package.

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Our situation: I was pregnant, hungry all the time, with a torn-up kitchen. We were doing dishes in our BATHROOM SINK, for crying out loud.

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Understandably, the last thing I wanted to do after work was cook, and the other last thing I wanted to do was a mountain of dishes in the bathroom. And so, we kept it simple – and healthy! – with Modern Table Meals. The pasta is made of LENTILS, you guys. If that’s not healthy, I don’t know what is.

Step 1: Open the bag. Brush the construction dust off the stovetop and boil those lentil noodles with the accompanying veggies. Stare at cute cat atop butcher block island.

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Step 2: Open the powdered sauce packet. Mix it with some oil and water.modern table meal - fancykins 7

Step 3: Pardon the construction dust. Drain the lentil noodles, then mix the boiled stuff with the sauce you just mixed.modern table meal - fancykins 8

Step 4: Serve on high-class paper plates to avoid doing more dishes in the bathroom. Best with a fancy side of buttered bread, a hammer and a drill.modern table meal - fancykins 9 modern table meal - fancykins 10

That is seriously it. Dinner’s served in just 15 minutes, you’ve suppressed your hunger in a healthy manner, it actually tastes good, and you’ve barely messed up the construction zone … I mean kitchen. And you don’t even need a working sink to do it!

Have you ever tried Modern Table Meals? Don’t run out and buy them for full price just yet – download Target’s Cartwheel app and keep your eyes peeled for a sale. Just a few weeks ago, they were just $1.83 EACH with the Cartwheel discount! Healthy, cheap, fast, delicious … seriously, if you don’t grab a few of these as pantry backups, you’re not living your best life.

What are YOU having for dinner tonight?

Kitchen disaster: I rubbed my nose after cutting peppers, and it was the worst pain of my life

I may or may not have an update about that aforementioned house hunt, and it may or may not be killing me to be so vague about the whole thing. SO, for the sake of superstition and juju, I’m going to instead talk about last night’s kitchen disaster, which ended in my (basically) having to snort milk.

hot pepper juice in nose

Is there any better topping on a sandwich or salad than a mild, sweet banana pepper? No, which is why I decided to make a giant salad last night with a billion of them what I thought were banana peppers to accompany these spinach lasagna rolls I found on Pinterest. The weather is finally warming up, so I opened all the windows and that fancy bottle of wine you saw in my plate-hanging post.

Life was good … and then I absentmindedly touched my nose.

hot pepper juice on face again

You know that feeling of “This hurts, but it could hurt worse?” Well, I did not have that. NOTHING COULD HAVE HURT WORSE THAN MY PEPPER-BURNED NOSE. Childbirth. Falling down an entire flight of stairs. Cutting my nose off with a knife. Smashing my face repeatedly against the kitchen sink.

Water, apparently, is like the WORST thing you can use when you have a pepper burn – it spreads the burning compound, capsaicin, around even more, which feels awful, trust me – but I didn’t know that. So I shoved my face in the sink, spreading the pain, and I cried.

Enter James, blissfully unaware and coming home from work.

“JAMES, HELP ME!” I screamed as soon as I heard the door open. I ran into the kitchen and shoved my computer at him, tears streaming down my face and making it hurt even more, if you can imagine. “I CAN’T EVEN GOOGLE, I NEED YOU TO DO IT FOR ME.”

hot banana pepper juice in nose on face

The order of events here is murky. There was more face-in-sink crying, there was frantic Googling, there were milk-soaked paper towels, which I had to put in my nose and all over my face. I snorted milk, you guys, and it was awful. But it was also sweet relief.

Long story short, the peppers were thrown away (after this photo shoot, which almost gave me a panic attack), the lasagna rolls and wine were devoured, and we have no idea why these sweet, mild banana peppers were so damn hot. Was it because they weren’t pickled? Was it because these aren’t, in fact, banana peppers?

Any pepper pros out there? Have YOU ever had a pepper burn and lived to tell the tale?

Friday Fave: Lucky Charms Chex Mix is all I need in my life, today and always

Lots going on lately, folks, including almost 2 feet of snow and using it as an excuse to be lazy about working out … again.

So in the spirit of eating sweets instead of kale, here’s a recipe yanked from my good friend Tanya: Lucky Charms Chex Mix, which is a staple at all our friends’ get-togethers.

lucky charms chex mix

There are a few recipes for Lucky Charms Chex Mix on the interwebz, but they aren’t as delicious or easy as this one. Trust me – I sent Tanya frantic texts thinking I was somehow doing it wrong, only to discover there really isn’t a way to mess it up.

I’ve been eating this night and day, non-stop, and occasionally sharing with co-workers and friends I’ve deemed worthy. If we could be addicted to food, I would SO be addicted to this.

Lucky Charms Chex Mix

Ingredients

1 family-sized box of Lucky Charms cereal
1 family-sized box of Rice Chex Mix
2 bags (12-oz. each) white chocolate chips
Rainbow sprinkles!

Directions

1. Separate marshmallows from Lucky Charms, eat as many as you want because it is a tedious task and you deserve a reward (Note: Tanya says this step is unnecessary, so I guess skip it if you’re lazy).

lucky charms marshmallows only2. Mix equal parts Chex Mix and Lucky Charms cereal together in a big bowl (remember, the Lucky Charms can be with or without marshmallows at this point, so follow your heart here).

3. Melt white chocolate chips.

4. Dump the melted chocolate into the giant bowl of mixed-up cereal, stir it around so all the pieces are evenly coated.

5. Lay a few pieces of wax paper on your table, then spread the white chocolate-coated cereal in a single layer to dry.

6. BUT! Before the chocolate hardens, cover it with a shit-ton of rainbow sprinkles.

7. If you chose to separate the marshmallows from the cereal, throw those on the not-yet-hardened chocolate-covered cereal.

8. Let dry on wax paper for 20 minutes.

9. Make sure cat does not get into the cereal, because gross.

10. Break cereal into bark-like pieces, then EAT IT FOR EVERY SINGLE MEAL BECAUSE IT IS LIKE CRACK.

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The end!

Anybody out there try this stuff before? I shared some with my co-worker today, who said “It’s so good, like …” and then couldn’t even finish the Gchat message because he was overcome by deliciousness.

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