A tirade about vindictive internet trolls & the Fancykins comment policy

Since this blog’s inception, I vowed to keep the content personal and honest, no matter what. This means that when I screw up some dumb home project, cheat on a diet, or don’t change out of sweatpants for an entire weekend, I write about it. I’ve never been able to relate to the air of constant perfection found on most lifestyle blogs, so I wanted this one to be different.

I knew this decision could make me susceptible to negative feedback and criticism, but as a writer, it’s worth it to stay honest. My college newspaper’s motto, “Tell the truth and don’t be afraid,” has stayed with me long after graduation, I guess.

And it wasn’t until Saturday night – in the car with James, on our way to see “Foxcatcher,” which was uncomfortable in that weird way that makes you want to cover your eyes and keep watching at the same time, but I digress – that I realized just how much this would affect me.

details-12Our wedding pictures by 1313 Photography, and yes, there are so many more where these came from

I’m willing to bet that most of you wouldn’t walk up to someone on the street and tell them what you think about their life decisions, whether it’s because you’re a good person or because you’re civilized enough to know that if you don’t have something nice to say, you should just keep your mouth shut. But for some reason, the internet has given everyone the false sense that it’s OK to openly judge everything, from people’s career and relationship choices to their hairstyle and favorite books.

I’m aware that free speech, something I have special appreciation for as a journalist, is a glorious thing that shouldn’t be taken for granted. I’m thankful for the right to voice my opinions about whatever I want, whenever I want. But I’m also aware that some people find pleasure in being vile human beings.

I was reminded of this on Saturday, on my way across town, when my phone beeped with this blog’s first negative comment.

rude comment screenshot

On one hand, I’m disgusted that this person felt it necessary to judge my – a total stranger – life decisions and minimize their importance. Does this person know how long I grappled with the decision to leave my marriage and the circumstances surrounding it? Of course not. And isn’t it sad that the stigma exists in 2015, and people like this make others feel guilty for leaving bad relationships, and ashamed for finding happiness again? Shame on me for putting myself first, and shame on me for writing about my struggles openly and honestly on this blog.

But on the other hand, I’m kind of honored that some internet troll spent his or her Saturday night reading about my New Year’s resolutions, setting up a Disqus account, then taking the time to come up with a perfectly snarky comment. With an IP address from Aruba. I didn’t know I had readers outside the U.S., let alone in Aruba! It’s pretty cool, really.

Let me end this tirade with one final thought: Your life decisions, including who you break up with or who you fall in love with, are entirely up to you. Fuck the haters, and fuck the internet trolls – may they both remain as unhappy in life as they appear to be online.


Oh, and this, which you can also find on the contact page:

The Fancykins comment policy (which I never thought I’d have to make, so thanks for visiting the site)

Much like I write whatever I choose, I welcome readers to comment however they choose. Free speech is a beautiful thing, and for that reason, I won’t delete your comments, even if they’re ignorant and snide. However, leaving negative remarks will not only open you up to be the subject of tirades such as these, they will also prove you to be pitiful and contemptuous, and believe me, that’s not a good look on anybody. Hate speech won’t be tolerated and may be subject to deletion.

Resolving to do ALL THE THINGS in 2015

2014 was a nice change of pace after a questionable 2013. Kind of makes you think that the mythological wheel of fortune thing isn’t total bull-honky, because one day you’re crying on the floor with snot all over your face, and the next day, you’re happy and forget whatever it was that made you sad in the first place. This year, doors opened and chapters closed. I cried, but I laughed a heck of a lot more.

DCIM100GOPRO DCIM100GOPROKailua Beach, Oahu

So in the spirit of a new year, new beginnings and new adventures, I have a few New Year’s resolutions to share with the class. Also, I figure that by making more than one resolution, I’ll have a better chance of actually sticking with something.

Save money.

This one sounds straightforward, and it is. I’ve found a bunch of money-saving tips and tricks on Pinterest – seriously, someone tell me what I did before this site existed – and I’m anxious to see how much of my small income I can save.

Oh, and this resolution is kind of two-fold, as I’d also like to stop spending money on crap like unnecessary delivery fees and fancy, overpriced cocktails. OK, maybe not completely giving up on that last one. Let’s start by cutting back.

Travel more, travel internationally.

This kind of goes hand-in-hand with the whole saving money thing. James and I absolutely love to travel, and this year, I resolve to travel outside the country for the first time. I’ve heard great things about Croatia (especially how reasonable and beautiful it is), and I’m intrigued by the challenge of planning some sort of budget-friendly two-week trip around Europe. Basically, I want to go everywhere, and I have a really handsome travel partner who’s equally excited about this prospect.

DCIM100GOPRO Processed with VSCOcam with a5 presetLawai Beach, Kauai

Do a 45-day Bikram Yoga challenge.

I bought a Groupon on a whim, so I may as well try to use it as much as possible and call it a resolution. Right?

Cut back on pizza.

Please note I didn’t say eliminate, but it’s probably a good idea to limit pizza to one night a week … not counting leftovers. Also, Chicago people, have you had pizza from Roots? Just thinking about it makes me hungry, and if I could drink their sweet chili dipping sauce, I TOTALLY WOULD.

Blog more.

I’ve been really awful lately, but it’s a new year. Let’s do this!

What are your New Year’s resolutions, and how well did you keep with your 2014 goals? I’m ashamed to admit I don’t even remember what I resolved to do.

I’m back from Hawaii, and I’m not happy about it (also, I’m really tired)

Yes, that’s a picture of a picture, because I’m just tired and lazy enough to post that and call it a day. Mele Kalikimaka! Oh, and I’m really freaking sad, too. In fact, I’m so distraught our Hawaiian honeymoon is over, I cried twice yesterday. Both in public.

My brain refused to chill out and nap during our nine-hour flight home yesterday (also, I’m reading “Big Little Lies” by Liane Moriarty, which is pretty gripping as far as Chick Lit goes) and I’ve officially been awake for more than 24 hours, so scanning this promotional picture wasn’t an option and I already can’t wait to go to bed … after I devour the reunion episode of “Are You The One?” on my DVR, of course.

I know I wasn’t as active posting as I’d planned to be while I was away, but I have lots of great stuff for the blog in the New Year. Or, as soon as I ditch this jet lag and sleep for a billion hours. Stay tuned! I really mean it this time.

Talk to you all very soon (after my nap),

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